A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party.
“But why?” asked his puzzled friend, “You’re labour through and through Why change now?”
The man learned forward and explained, “Well, I’d rather it was one of them that died and not one of us.”
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An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Former US President Bill Clinton?
1% said, “No”
2% said, “Yes”
97% said, “Never Again”
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The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.
He goes up to the girl and says, “Little girl, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a good thing.”
The little girl says, “Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They’re Democrats.”
Bill declines and jogs onward. The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again. “You know what, little girl? I think I’ll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they’re Democrats.”
The girl says, “I’m sorry Mr. Clinton, but they’re not Democrats any more. They’re Republican now.”
Bill says, “They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?”
She says, “Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open.”
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President Vladimir Putin called President Bush with an emergency:
“Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried; “My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.”, replied the President.
“I do need your help,” said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?”
“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!”, said Bush.
“Oh, and one more small favour, please?”, said Putin.
“Yes?”, replied the President.
“Could the condoms be red in colour and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Yeltsin.
“No problem,” replied the President and with that Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan condoms. “I need a favour, you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.”
“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.
“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”
“Easily done. Anything else?”
“Yeah,” said the President, “Print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each one.”
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At a recent interview, it seems that Bill Clinton broke out in rage after being asked a line of questions about him being controlled.
Interviewer: “Who pulls your strings, Bill? What special interests control you?”
Clinton (visibly upset): “You leave Hillary out of this!”
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