Asian Jokes
Bholaji goes to the doctor and says “Doc, I ache all over. Every where I touch it hurts.”
The doc says “Ok, touch your elbow.”
Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
The doc, surprised,says “touch your head.”
Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony.
The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell.
The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc… and tells Bhola to come back after two days.
Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, “We’ve found your problem…”
“Oh yeah? what is it ?”
‘You’ve broken your finger!’
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A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by a very old Chinese man with a long gray beard.
” I’m lost,” said the man. ” Can you put me up for the night?” “
Certainly”,’ the Chinese man said, “but on one condition.” “If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the threeworst Chinese tortures known to man’”.
” OK,”, said the man, and entered the house. Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs.
She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He wascareful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read :
” Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”. Well, that’s pretty crappy,’ he thought. ‘If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read :
” Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.” In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones were better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign that read :
” Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”
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Bholaji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray……….. “Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto(lottery)”.
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Bholaji goes back to the temple.. ” Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”. Lotto night comes and Bholaji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple……………… “My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???”.
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Bholaji is confronted by the voice of God ” Bholaji, buy a damn lottery ticket first”.
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There lived in the State of Qi a man who had a very bad memory. While walking, he would forget to stop; while sleeping, he would forget to rise. His wife was very much worried about this and said to him one day: “I’ve heard that Master Ai is a very learned man with a glib tongue. He can even bring the dying back to life. Why don’t you go and consult him?”
“Good idea!” the man agreed.
So he set out on horseback, bow and arrow in hand. Before he had covered a distance of 30 li he felt a call of nature. He dismounted and, after sticking the arrow into the ground and tying the horse to a tree, crouched down to relieve himself. This done, he stood up and looking to the left caught sight of the arrow.
“Wow!” he cried. ” What a narrow escape! I wonder where that stray arrow came from. It nearly hit me.”
Then, looking to the right, he saw the horse.
“Well, well!” he said with joy. ” Though I’ve been badly frightened, I’m now rewarded with this windfall of a horse.”
Seizing the bridle of the horse, he was about to turn round when he inadvertently stepped on his own excrement. Stamping his foot, he cried: ” Damn! This pile of dog’s dung has soiled my shoe. What a pity!”
Whipping his horse, he galloped off in the wrong direction. Not long afterwards, he arrived home. Pacing up and down in front of his own house, he muttered to himself: “Whose house is this? Can this be the residence of Master Ai?”
At this moment, his wife saw him. Guessing that his memory must have taken leave of him again, she let loose a torrent of abuse. Very much upset, the man complained: “I’ve never seen you before in my life. Why hurl insults at me like that, lady?”
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Chinese learned this Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.
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